Where Are You Running To?

About the Author

Brother Fan became a believer during his college years. He has two sons with his wife. During his youth, he was once immersed in online games and worldly desires. Later, he was captured by Christ and now testifies to Christ's love for the church through preaching, poetry, experiences in marriage and family, current affairs commentary, and encounters with persecution.

Where Are You Running To?

The Whole Country is Running

In recent years, you may have thought about escaping to another country. You have probably at least considered the possibility of moving to a new environment or changing your lifestyle. Lately, there have been three hot phrases: one is called “lying flat”(躺平), another is “rat-racing” (内卷), and another is “running”(润). It seems that we are so tired of living in this country.

The word “run” (润, which literally means “moist” and is Romanized as “run” in pinyin), makes me recall a poem: “The good rain knows its season when spring comes. It quietly enters the night with the wind, silently moistening everything” (2). Many people hope to live an ideal life of abundant prosperity, a life of democracy and freedom in peace; we hope that our lives can be transformed effortlessly. In fact, Du Fu, who wrote this poem, came to Chengdu as a refugee in 761 AD. 

We often feel like refugees. Many of us have fled from the countryside to the city, or from this city to that city. Some of us have already fled overseas, or we have fled all over the world, to Tibet, to Xinjiang, to see the beauty of the world, but in the end, we still ask ourselves: Where should I run to? You will find that the theme of running out of China, especially in the past 70 years, has come up again and again. You can see that our posters have a red background, and in a red China, it is actually quite frightening. That is why many people want to escape today. A lot of peasants and farmers in the 1930s used to say, “Run! The motherland is coming.” 

At this present time, we are living under an incredibly powerful motherland. But for the most part, I think most of us cannot run. Not only because of the difficulties of running away, but more importantly, we have a lot of things that we cannot let go of. There are many things that you can never run away from: your hometown, your childhood memories, your aging parents, your siblings, your friends, and your relatives.

I read a poem when I was very young which said, “Liberty and love. These two I must have. For my love I’ll sacrifice My life. For liberty I’ll sacrifice My love” (3). Today so many people leave everything behind for freedom; they go through all kinds of hardships to do so. We all love freedom, but here we find that freedom is a luxury.

Just recently, in Chengdu, Sichuan, where I was during the city lockdown, I saw two videos that left very deep impressions on me. They both showed two old men, probably in their 70s or 80s, who refused to take the (imposed) COVID test (4). When they spoke to defend themselves, it seemed to show that they had experienced too many absurdities in their lives. When a young officer came to do the COVID test for one of them, he asked her, “How old are you? You must be in your thirties, right? I’ve seen so many things like this, and I’ve eaten more salt than you’ve eaten rice.” He seemed to sniff a familiar recipe or smell during the COVID protocol. So many people are sad to find that they have stumbled into the same river twice in their lives. Many people grew up in the absurd turmoil of the Cultural Revolution and the bitterness of the loss of freedom, and they did not expect to experience such absurdity again in their old age.

So I can understand why many people want to run away. It is like the bus that crashed in Guiyang some time ago, killing about thirty people. There was an article about this with the title: “What should we do to avoid getting on that bus?” (5) The answer was, “We should ‘run’ (润) while we can.” So whether or not you’re in the middle class, everyone talks about when to get their passports, which countries to go to, what to do to prepare, and all of the possible options. Someone wrote, “It is as if we were born on that bus with nowhere to go, and with all the energy of our lives we are just driving into the plains of vanity.” Many people remember this country as if it has lost its color, as if only bitterness and hopelessness fill our hearts.

Recently, in the church where I serve, because of the pandemic protocols, we started to hold a 5:00 p.m. prayer in China, especially for those members, pastors and elders who have lost their freedom and are in prison. To my surprise, at the beginning, many seekers came to attend, and then many of them added me to their WeChat and Telegram (6). I asked them, “Why did you come to this prayer meeting?” Eventually I realized that many of them were in groups that research how to “run,” that discuss moving abroad. When they saw and reflected on the outside world for the first time, they were made aware of their ignorance of Christian civilizations, only to realize that there was such a group inside China. In the end, they did not run away; not only did they not run, but they stayed in this place. They did not run even though they could. 

When many people saw Pastor Wang Yi’s testimony in recent years, they were surprised that there were still such people in this country that lived such free and honorable lives. So they started looking for such a church. Some of them might have come to church because they had heard that if they are a church member, they can get political asylum. But there are other people who are sincerely desperate, who sincerely want that kind of freedom and joyful life, because they are so desperate and bitter.

The main group of people who want to flee China are actually middle-aged people in their 40s. That is the mid-life crisis in China today. Many jobs will be “optimized” in the second half of this year, and many will lose their jobs. So what do we do? How do we go on when we can’t make ends meet? In middle age, you realize that what you’ve been fighting for all your life doesn’t really amount to much. You can’t even see the future that you’re fighting for. When your children and parents have been left behind, or when you are overwhelmed, where do you run to?  Just as that song from the 90s says, “Nothing, I finally found that, I have nothing” (7). These are the common feelings and experiences we have today. As with the incident of “the chained woman” (8), many people were angry, indignant, and powerless. This chained woman inspired a movie called Blind Mountain (9). We saw in the movie that people kept running and running, but the woman who was kidnapped and sold could not escape from the nightmare. This makes many women and even men in China feel insecure. It is not only women who are trafficked, but also men who can be sold into slave labor. 

Even without all of this, there is still too much uncertainty in life. My mother used to have a dream where she was always running, as if she was trying to catch a bus but couldn’t make it. Maybe that dream represents this generation. It seems that our generation had to run as soon as we were born. We are running all the time – running to finish high school exams, running to finish college exams, running to work, running to get married, running to have a baby, running to die, as if we always find that if we don't run, we can't catch up. May the Lord come and help us, we who are running, who have been insecure and afraid of death all our lives, to hear his message of peace and resurrection.

The Young Man Who Was Running Away

As I thought about the topic of running, I thought of the many people in the Bible who ran away. I thought first of the two disciples who ran away on the road to Emmaus. When God's call came to Jonah, the first thing he did was to run away. Then we can think of Abraham who fled to Egypt because of the famine, and Jacob who was running away from his brother, Esau. There are many more. We know that Moses ran into the desert because he killed a man who was beating one of his fellow countrymen. He ran 440 kilometers away and was finally called back by God. Even David was constantly on the run. Not only did he have to run from King Saul, but in his old age he had to run from his son Absalom. So we see many Psalms written by David while he was on the run. After that, our prophet Elijah also had to flee in the same way. And in the New Testament, Jesus fled to Egypt from the moment he was born because Herod wanted to kill all male babies up to the age of two. Even in Jesus' ministry, he often chose to flee.

But perhaps the greatest flight took place in Mark 14:51–52, when the crowd came to arrest Jesus in the dark of the night almost two thousand years ago, and the disciples all left him and fled. The passage says that a young man, with nothing but a linen cloth around his body, followed Jesus, and the crowd seized him. Then he left the linen cloth behind and ran away naked. 

This verse stood out to me as I read the Bible around the time of my release from the police station. I took special notice and asked, who is this young man? And why was this written here? Many commentators speculate that it was Mark himself, who wrote the Gospel of Mark. I'm also inclined to think that he was writing about himself, because he was the only one who knew about it. So why would Mark put such a shameful thing, a very undignified thing, in this passage?

Let's go back to this scene—the night of Jesus' arrest. The Bible usually uses the term “young man” to refer to those who have not come of age. For the Israelites, thirty was the age when they went to serve in the army. Even Jesus didn't begin to preach until he was thirty years old. So Mark, the young man in this passage, was only in his late teens or maybe early twenties. Mark had a mother named Mary. His family opened their home in the early part of Jesus’ ministry, and he was very familiar with Jesus and his apostles (10). From what we know from the Bible, his cousin Barnabas was a very important associate of Paul. Mark eventually became very close with two apostles, Peter and Paul. So we can compare Mark to a second generation believer at that time, just like some of the children who are growing up in the church today.

Why did Mark run away? It turns out that this is not the only time that he ran away. We know that one of his flights eventually caused a disagreement between two major apostles, namely Barnabas and Paul. Mark was on Paul's missionary journey, but he left them while they were in Pamphylia and didn't continue the work together with them. The next time, Paul didn't want to take Mark with him because he had run away (Acts 15:36–39).

This is a description of what we know about Mark, but why did he run away as a young man? Mark's coming to follow Jesus shows that he had a heart and mind and love for Jesus, just like many of us today. We see Jesus’ suffering, just like we see our beloved believers suffering, and we are willing to follow and to pray for these co-workers. But when persecution came to Mark, when the people came to arrest him, Mark left his linen cloth and he fled naked. This is very much in line with many of us today. When we hear the news, whether it's Pastor Wang Yi or whoever we see being arrested, we all want to take a look. But what happens next? If we are personally involved, we might get scared and panic and run. 

If we analyze Mark running away, there are two possibilities. One is that Mark is naturally weak. Perhaps he was shy, and because he was still a young man, he had never seen such a scene. People will naturally run away under such circumstances, just like our children. The other possibility is that he may not have recognized Jesus for who he was at that time. The disciples ran away because they thought Jesus could perform miracles; the Jesus they knew was a Jesus who could feed the 5,000 with five loaves and two fish, who could calm the storm, who could send the angelic army of heaven to fight. A Jesus who is a mighty warrior. We all long for a superhero, someone who can take care of everything in times of trouble. But Jesus at this time was unrecognizable to the disciples, even to Mark. He didn't expect that the Son of the Most High God, the King of Immanuel, would be taken without dignity or even resistance. For at that time Jesus said, "Have you come to arrest me as a robber?” This was the fulfillment of the words of Scripture. So the disciples at that time were all stunned, and they did not recognize Jesus. Jesus was so weak, so passive, that he didn't even resist. Even Peter drew his sword and cut off the ear of one of the high priest's servants, but Jesus was taken away alone like a robber. 

Why are we often so weak, like Mark? Because we never imagined that Jesus would be so calm at that moment. We never imagined that when this kind of persecution and warfare comes upon us, the whole church would be defenseless, would give up resistance, and would even go into the midst of the wolves, into the midst of the house of bondage, in a gentle, lamblike way. Many people today think that the church seems to have no resistance, that we are too soft. They think the church is easily bullied because we aren’t as brave as the Muslims (11). Why don’t we use some forceful confrontation, or even deal with it in some physical manner? The whole Chinese house church seems to be defenseless and is often willing to suffer and walk the way of the cross.

This is something that a lot of people don't understand. They think, “If I'm going to die, I’ll go out with a bang.” But when Jesus was arrested, he completely gave up resistance and said that this is the fulfillment of Scripture. So you see, we are all weak by nature. I think one of the greatest advantages of living in this country today, with the iron fist of communism, is that we realize that we are powerless. If you think you are capable, you may have to reconsider, and you may find that you really can't do anything. When the whole situation goes south and your money, your talent, your courage doesn't make a difference, that is when your whole life begins to experience the saving power of God. You will find that no one can follow Jesus by their natural courage, because the way of Christ naturally causes people to stumble, to run away. They could not recognize a King who was so wretched and weak and abused by the world.

So why was this event so important and significant to Mark that he wanted to record it in his Gospel? I believe that this was the moment when he was anointed with the gospel of God. When he witnessed the suffering of Christ, who was taken as a robber, and finally saw the nakedness of Christ—then, seeing his own nakedness completely healed him, and he was won over by Christ. Just as when Peter, who denied his Lord three times, was asked three times by Jesus, "Do you love me? Feed my sheep," and was restored, I believe that Mark also experienced the manifestation of the power of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ at this moment.

So you find that only a person who is truly liberated in grace is willing to look at his own nakedness. When we are willing to see our nakedness, that we are robbed of everything, our corruption and weakness, our little faith, that is when the grace of God will work in us. So we find that running away and calling seem to be connected. For if a man cannot see God, he does not fear, he does not flee. A natural man cannot recognize Christ, and he must run and forsake Christ. But he who is truly touched by the Holy Spirit sees that Jesus was stripped of his inner and outer garments for us; that while he cannot even recognize Jesus, Jesus knew him and loved him anyway.

How to Stop Running

There is a wonderful story of salvation that happens in our weakness. In the midst of religious persecution, most of us are in a very weak state. In fact, just like Wang Yi wrote in his “Meditations on Religious Wars” (12), many churches today have fallen in love with their outer garments and are no longer willing to be stripped of them. Sometimes God uses the scalpel of persecution to strip them away. 

Today you find that the whole dystopian system of pandemic control is no longer directed at the human mind, but only at your external wealth. When your external identity, freedom, and wealth are taken from you, then you realize that you were skinny dipping. Like the midlife crisis I mentioned, when you find that some of these things are being taken away, you realize that you have nothing inside, and you cannot bear that sight. So what do we do? Where do we run? 

The younger generation in the Chinese church today, we are like Mark: we have heard stories about Jesus, been taught pure Bible doctrines, heard many testimonies and seen older Chinese preachers witnessing the gospel. But when this tribulation comes to us, like Mark, we have left our linen cloth and run away naked. Many of us may be on the verge of betraying the Lord. We are weak, and we do not want to persevere anymore. But it is in those times when faith begins. When we come to terms with our nakedness, that is when God wants to clothe us with his righteousness. 

Recently one of our elders was asked, “Do you want your children to live in China or do you want them to have the opportunity to run?” Whether it’s a pro-democracy activist, or a dissident Chinese writer, or a son or daughter born into wealth, I know many Chinese people today are running for the sake of their children. We no longer want our children to be Chinese children, so that they can have freedom, breathe clean air, drink clean water, and not be subjected to this brainwashing (13).

We have two young children in our family, and there are times when I think about what we want for them. We mentioned Mark earlier, who was a second generation believer and probably followed Jesus at a very young age. He was familiar with his disciples because their house was a meeting place (Acts 12). Do you want your child to be like Mark, to experience their own weakness and the suffering of Christ at a young age? 

Many of the children in our church have been in the police station. My child was only ten months old when I was arrested, and he was in the police station several times, very late at night, even when he was breastfeeding. We often have the police come to our door, and our children experience it. Even today, we had someone standing outside our door observing us. In fact, as a pastor I am probably even less free than the average Chinese believer, and in a state where we can lose our freedom at any time. My children ask me: Can we leave this place? Why don't we go to America? My children have real fears of being disturbed or of someone always following us or spying on us. 

But you will find in Mark that when a child raised in the faith experiences the weakness within him or herself, he or she goes through a trial of faith at a young age, and sees that the Jesus who was preached by their parents is not just a person who was preached about, but a real Jesus. He is not just a Jesus who hung on the cross, but he is also the suffering Christ who is still suffering for us today. It is possible that like Mark, even in his faith our child will constantly realize that he has no morality or goodness, and he will want to run away. Because according to the natural desire of man, everyone wants to run. None of us can stand firm under this great pressure. We are all trying to run, and we may have run countless times. But the only thing that can stop you from running is when you are touched by Christ—the same Christ you see on the cross, who died for you.

Unless God pulls you to your feet like he pulled Peter, or Moses, or Jonah, or Jesus Christ, who prayed “nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will” (Matt. 26:39), you will never stop running and being afraid. When God said to Peter, “When you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go” (John 21:18), it was a very difficult calling. I believe that many of us today will realize that the calling to be a Christian is actually very difficult because it means that you have to let go of your freedom. It means that when you want to run, you can’t run, because you know that Jesus didn’t tell you to run. It means that when you recognize your calling, your heart is gripped by a heavenly voice. God put you in this place. He doesn’t do anything wrong in his sovereignty. He is in charge of everything and he is the Lord of your life. You have a master.

A person without a master is a person who wants to run away all the time, but he still does not find freedom. A man who has a master is a man who begins to really know that he has true freedom. He knows that his life is no longer his own. He knows that in the midst of this great uncertainty there is a real security, that Christ’s death and resurrection are real, that he loves me and bore the cost of my death for me, so that I no longer need to run, and my life begins to be a life of ministry.

A person who serves and ministers will not run away anymore. When Jesus and the apostles saw the call that came from heaven, they began to run in the opposite direction. They stopped running to places where the gospel was not needed, but they started running to places of darkness because the gospel was needed there. That is exactly where the whole Christian church should be running: to the farthest, darkest places with the least light of the gospel.

God has made you desperate to come to trust in the Lord, to see Christ as your hope. When all your outer and inner garments are stripped off, you will find that you truly have the heart of Christ within you. You will realize that “God loves me so much that I, who have been a slave to the fear of death all my life, see my greatest burden in the fellow human beings around me.” For where your burden is greatest, there you will find your harvest field. For here are your loved ones, your parents, your friends, your colleagues; now watch over their souls.

So a free man stops running for himself. He is free to stop running, and free to serve. When the One who was stripped naked and hung on the cross has revealed his own power and led you into true freedom, then you realize that the external loss of freedom profoundly manifests this true freedom. This is the mystery of the gospel that Paul preached, the mystery of the gospel of Christ. As with Christ and the early church, it is in the place of the greatest bondage, deprivation and weakness, that his glory is most powerfully manifested.

Notes:

1. Wang Yi, “Grace Reigns,” Grace to the City: Studies in the Gospel from China (Metuchen, NJ: China Partnership, 2019), 37.

2. Du Fu, “Pleasant Rain on a Spring Night,” 761 A.D.

3. Sándor Petőfi, “Freedom and Love,” originally published in Muvei. 1. Osszes Versei, Budapest: Szepirodalmi konyvkiado, 1976. Petőfi was a Hungarian revolutionary, and this poem is well known in China.

4. From 2020-2023, China adopted a strict zero-Covid policy, during which foreign travel to and from China was strictly limited. Chinese citizens were required to take regular Covid tests and entire neighborhoods, or even entire cities, would be locked down if there was a spike in positive cases in one local area.

5. Available at https://chinadigitaltimes.net/chinese/687220.html. The article refers to a bus transporting its passengers to a quarantine facility under China’s strict zero-Covid policy, which crashed in Guizhou Province, killing 27 people and injuring 20. Many blamed the government for forcing these people to travel overnight on rural roads. Reporting and reactions to the incident on social media were heavily censored by the Chinese government.

6. WeChat is the predominant social media platform in China, but the Chinese government is known to use it for surveillance. Telegram is another popular service known for its security.

7. Cui Jian, “Nothing,” Rock on the New Long March, 1989.

8. In late January 2022, a video of a mentally disturbed and unlawfully imprisoned woman who was chained to a wall and who had given birth to eight children during her imprisonment went viral on China’s internet. It is believed to be a case of human trafficking, false imprisonment, sexual assault, and severe mistreatment. When netizens were enraged and demanded answers and investigations, the Chinese government censored the media and did not conduct a thorough investigation to satisfy the call for justice.

9. The 2007 Chinese movie Blind Mountain, directed by Li Yang, examines the issue of women being sold for marriage in China.

10. See Acts 12:12.

11. Muslims in China, such as the Uyghurs in the Xinjiang Autonomous Region, were often accused by the Communist Party of committing acts of terrorism and violence.  These accusations provided grounds for the ethnic cleansing of Uyghurs in the region.

12. Wang Yi published this article, “2018年：宗教战争沉思录” on December 8, 2018, one day before his arrest and imprisonment. Available at https://pastorwangyi.wordpress.com.

13. Every student in China is required to go through “patriotic education.” Some of these patriotic lessons include touring Communist revolutionary heritage sites, paying respect at the tombs of fallen soldiers, and visiting and listening to local Party leaders. From a very young age, Chinese students are catechized to be a “patriot.”
    

This article was originally a sermon, which has been edited for length and clarity. This English edition and introduction are copyright © 2024 by the Center for House Church Theology. Illustration by PC Ng. 

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